Got this funny from my friend Cliff Boldt in Union Bay. Who knows where it came from originally. Subject: From Al Gore's Trash Can Al Gore Concession Speech, 1st Draft *** Good evening, my fellow Americans: Tonight we come to the end of a long road and the start of a new one. Having exhausted all avenues of appeal in the U.S. and Florida, my legal team has filed a claim in the International Court of Justice seeking to overturn the Florida election Crumple crumple crumple Al Gore Concession Speech, 2nd Draft**** Good evening, my fellow Americans: Tonight, in the spirit of national unity and despite being the undisputed winner of the popular vote crumple crumple crumple Al Gore Concession Speech, 3rd Draft **** Good evening, everyone. Many of you no doubt know what it feels like to get royally shafted. Crumple crumple crumple Al Gore Concession Speech, 4th Draft *** Good evening, my fellow Americans. Although it is the opinion of my attorneys and myself that I do not fit the legal definition of a "loser" crumple crumple crumple Al Gore Concession Speech, 5th Draft *** Good evening, my fellow Americans. Approximately 12 million light years ago, when I was first dispatched to your planet from Zolloid 9 crumple crumple crumple Al Gore Concession Speech, 6th Draft *** My fellow Americans: I can't do this. I just can't do this. Crumple crumple crumple Al Gore Concession Speech, 7th Draft *** Hello, my fellow Americans. It's been a long and difficult month for me and, indeed, for the entire nation. But the time has come for us all to throw our enthusiastic support behind our next president, George W. Bu, BbbBahoo. (laugh) Pardon me. Let me try that again: President George W. Buh, Buh. FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, PEOPLE! HOW HARD CAN IT BE TO PUNCH OUT A FREAKING CARDBOARD HOLE IN A BALLOT! MORONS! Crumple crumple crumple Al Gore Concession Speech, 8th Draft *** My fellow Americans, in light of recent unfavorable court decisions, it has come to my understanding that a majority of you want to turn the country over to a recovering alcoholic and functional illiterate. Crumple crumple crumple Al Gore Concession Speech, 9th Draft (folksy approach) *** Good evening, my fellow Americans. You know, when I was young boy frolicking on the zero-gravity ash fields of Zolloid 9, it never occurred to me when I downloaded the human emotion coding sequences. Crumple crumple crumple Al Gore Concession Speech, 10th Draft *** Good evening, my fellow Americans. Have you ever known someone who took something from a store without paying for it? That's called "stealing", and in America stealing is a crime. Crumple crumple crumple Al Gore Concession Speech, 11th Draft *** My fellow Americans, most of you probably know how to count. One. Two. Three. And so on. See? It's not that difficult. (Smile). So can someone please explain to me why the state of Florida. . . . Crumple crumple crumple Al Gore Concession Speech, 12 Draft *** Good evening, everyone. Generally speaking, civil war is never a good thing. But there are times. . . . Ah, forget it. -- Jerry West Editor/publisher/janitor ---------------------------------------------------- THE RECORD News and Views from Nootka Sound & Canada's West Coast An independent, progressive regional publication http://www.island.net/~record/
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