[sixties-l] State of disgrace By Hunter S. Thompson

From: radman (resist@best.com)
Date: 12/15/00

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    State of disgrace
    By Hunter S. Thompson
    Page 2 columnist
        The incredible dumbness of Sportswriters is a
    subject I thought I'd exhausted a long time ago -- but
    let's hit it one more time, just for the fun of it.
    ... I have described them as "a rude & brainless
    subculture of fascist drunks" and "more disgusting by
    nature than maggots oozing out of the carcass of a
    dead animal. ..."
    But they keep coming back for more, like pimps &
    real-estate agents, & on days like this I run out of
    patience. ... I have explained many times that I am,
    by Profession, a Gambler -- not some jock-sniffing
    nerd or a hired human squawk-box with the brain of a
    one-cell animal. No. That would be your average career
    sportswriter -- and, more specifically, a full-time
    Baseball writer.
    OK, how's that for Rudeness? I can Play in this
    league. I don't like it -- but when my own editors at
    ESPN start asking me to get outraged about the Huge
    Salaries being paid these days to Baseball Pitchers --
    instead of the truly Insane high-stakes Gambling that
    is going on right now in our national Political Arena
    -- I know how Thomas Jefferson felt when he said, "I
    fear for the fate of my country when I reflect that
    God is Just."
    As for Pitchers, they are as useless as tits on a
    boar-hog & should all be put to sleep. Baseball's only
    hope for survival is the elimination of the "pitcher"
    position completely. (see "Hey, Rube" on Nov 6, 2000.)
    The cure for White House Disease is not so simple. It
    is like a combination of Blueballs & malaria, an
    interminable Fever that is always Incurable & often
    Fatal. The symptoms are blindness, freezing, sweating,
    weeping & delusions of suffering beyond Death.
    Hell, a Presidential Candidate could barely buy
    Pittsburgh for $170 Million. ... Let's face it: The
    only true Blood-Sport in this country is high-end
    Politics. You can dabble in Sports or the Stock
    Markets, but when you start lusting after the White
    House, The Joke is Over. These are the real Gamblers,
    & there is nothing they won't do to win.
    Nothing involving jock straps or sports bras will ever
    come close to it for drama, violence, savagery &
    over-weaning lust for the spoils of victory. ... The
    Presidency of the United States is the richest & most
    powerful prize in the history of the World. The
    difference between winning the Super Bowl & winning
    the White House is the difference between a Goldfish &
    a vault full of Gold bars.
    The very heart of the American electoral system now
    seems to be cracking. ... This is like a Super Bowl
    that goes into 99 scoreless overtimes, or a night when
    the sun never sets. Even Congress is preparing for
    Trench Warfare: The GOP leadership is now daring
    Clinton to try to pass a Spending Bill before the year
    ends. That would paralyze the Nation & prevent all
    payments for anything by the Federal Government. It is
    reminiscent of Political events that occurred just
    before the start of the Civil War. ... Beware. There
    might be no Super Bowl this year.
    It is no accident that this vicious mess has come to a
    head in Florida. I know the state well. Florida has
    been very good to me in many wild & beautiful ways
    that still make my whole body hum when I think about
    them. ... I know Tallahassee & I know Palm Beach. I
    have run amok in Naples & suffered terrible boat
    crashes in the waters off Miami & the treacherous
    channels of Key West. ... I have run aground at
    midnight on sandbars far out in the ocean; I have lost
    control of my boat in many posh marinas & been rescued
    at sea by the Coast Guard so often that they came to
    recognize my voice on the short-wave radio. I have
    known great happiness in Florida & I still have a
    certain love for it.
    But I also know it to be the most corrupt & profoundly
    degenerate state in the Union. So many of its elected
    officials are so openly For Sale that politics in
    Florida is more like an auction than a democratic
    process. Its Congressmen have been jailed for Felony
    Fraud & its Senators have routinely committed more
    heinous crimes than Richard Nixon was ever accused of.
    ... More murders & rapes go unreported in Florida each
    year than in Corsica & Sicily combined. The state has
    no Income Tax & essentially no Law. Its cities are
    ruled by Depraved sots & its Universities are
    snake-pits of cheating & random sex in Public. The
    libraries are filled with Beer-Drunkards looking for
    Skull sessions & beautiful girls who are proud & Eager
    to oblige them. Oral sex is more common on the streets
    of Miami in the daylight hours than anywhere else in
    Rude people will now & then ask me why I think I know
    so much about Politics. I tell them it's because I'm
    Smart. ... But that is a lie: The real reason is
    because I'm an incurable Gambling addict.
    The gambling habit is no different from any other
    acquired addiction (Crack, Nicotine, Flogging, Lying,
    etc.) -- in that there are always two (2) very
    different types of addicts, the User & the Binger. The
    binge gambler is doomed from the start & so is a binge
    Flogger, like the infamous Marquis de Sade.
    It was not the Vice, but the Binge, that destroyed
    him. If de Sade had learned Moderation -- if he could
    have kept his brutal Floggings down to one or two a
    week, even three -- the cops might have left him
    alone. But no, the Marquis wouldn't listen, so his
    legacy was to go down as the most Vicious Pervert in
    At least people are still interested in de Sade's
    crazed excesses. ... Al Gore will not be so lucky. He
    was Wrong from the Start & will forever be known as
    "the Loser" of the doomed 2000 Election. Bush is an
    Unhappy winner. He will be beaten like a rat in a
    waste-basket & he will age 14 years in the next Four.
    The Bush family has already Corrupted the Presidency &
    the U.S. Supreme Court. Millions of Americans will
    never again be Confident that their vote will be
    counted in any election. All we need now is the
    squalid Spectacle of Jeb Bush on TV, saying "I am Not
    a Crook."
    Dr. Hunter S. Thompson's books include Hell's Angels,
    Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, Fear and Loathing on
    the Campaign Trail '72, The Proud Highway, Better Than
    Sex and The Rum Diary. His new book, Fear and Loathing
    in America, has just been released. A regular
    contributor to various national and international
    publications, Thompson now lives in a fortified
    compound near Aspen, Colo. His column, "Hey, Rube,"
    will appear each Monday on Page 2.

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